Thursday, October 2, 2008

There Were No Balloons or Cake at This Party (ok there was cake)

So yesterday when I was in my studio storing my art away I decided to have a little party for one.........a pity party. You know the "poor me" kind. Where you neglect to look at all the great things you have in your life and just concentrate on the crappy ones. The rain outside didn't help much as it has been a constant the last six days. So I'm organizing my art on shelves and thinking "why aren't I selling more?", why am I not the famous artist I think I am in my own mind?". Well all that pathetic whining does get tiresome after awhile so after getting some great advice and general cheering up from my "amazing" blog friend artists, I went and made some homemade chicken soup(really good) and then ate a big piece of banana cake (that wasn't so good, at least for the waistline).

I'm smart enough to realize the career path I've taken is not an easy one. Maybe I should have been a psychologist. I had seriously thought of that at one time but ruled it out in the middle of my Psych 101 class after I had drawn throughout my entire notebook as well as over some of my notes. Tracy said to me yesterday "Maybe you should just stop making art". I know what she was trying to do and I thank her for it. It made take a good hard, long look at what it would mean to "stop making art" and to realize that would not be a possibility. I'm driven to get into that studio everyday not because I think I'm going to get rich but because it is such an integral part of who I am. So...............I pick myself, dust myself off and get back at it. Then I started feeling really guilty about being so self absorbed when there are so many other tragic things going on in the world. I really am so very blessed. My life is a good one, a really good one and I'm grateful.

I've got this great guy who loves me (ok I know this is a line straight out of Jerry Maguire but it's still one of my fav movies. Long before Tom was jumping on couches and married "Free Me" Kate.) I've got great kids (granted they think I'm a little weird but hey, they are teenagers what do they 20 years they'll think I'm cool but I won't hold my breath). I live in an "arts" supporting community and I do get to work in my studio every day.

Sometimes you just have to venture into the dark side for a short period of time to realize how bright everything truly is. May sound corny but it's true.


Tracy said...

Oh dear, I didn't mean stop making art forever, just for the day or until you feel a bit better about things. You know, a break!

Glad you snapped out of it though, pity parties are underrated. I like a good one every once in awhile myself:)

Ellen said...

Well said Mel. And we've all been there.
That's why I like childbirth, the most excruciating pain a human being can ever experience yielding the most miraculous, beautiful thing. Yin and yang, good and bad gives life all its meaning.

Now having said that, I'm having a lousy start to the day, so I'm going into the studio, making some unsellable, cathartic art, just because...I can.

andrea said...

I agree with your last statement. To free yourself of the black thoughts we all have (artists more than most) you need to just give yourself over to them -- but not for too long. :) You are very good at articulating what so many of us feel, Melody. I love that kind of candidness.

Melody said...

Tracy, Ellen and Andrea, you are such good friends. Thanks for all your support. Just another wonderful thing to feel grateful for and I do.

Jean Levert Hood said...

Melody, sometimes it feels good to whine. And it's especially good when you know your friends won't let you stay there! Glad you are better today.