Nana & Me
My grandmother passed away last night ... she was 94 years old. Although it was expected it doesn't by any means make it easier. The last 15 years of her life she spent living with my mother as my Dad and my grandfather had previously passed. It's funny because I had never thought them the best of friends before my Nana moved in but it became apparent as the years rolled by that my mom and my grandmother had forged an unbreakable bond. Nana loved bingo, baseball games (she knew all the players and their stats) her family and in the last year she always mentioned how she was "just hanging" on long enough to see the birth of her great great grandchild Max. She did and I know it brought her immense happiness.
I knew Nana loved me through her actions although it was not verbalized all that often until the last few times I visited her at the home. As I was leaving she would reach for my hand and pull me close to kiss my cheek. I realized she knew I was thinking the same thoughts that were silently moving through her mind .... "it may be the last time I feel your hand in mine or the last time I have the chance to look into your eyes and really see you" At those moments she would tell me she loved me and yes, that was enough.
I will always give credit to my Nana for instilling in me the value of working with my hands... a creativity that may have never manifested itself if not for her. Within that realm of creativity lay the skill of baking and of art. To watch her fingers move the needle effortlessly through the fabric when she sewed ...as if through water .. silent and smooth. I would marvel at how it all seemed to come so easy for her when my embroidery looked to be a simple tangle of threads in my lap. She would smile and tell me it was just experience at which point I would feel a small surge of hope that perhaps one day it would come as easily to me.
This morning I stood in my studio with my work all around me, closed my eyes and took the time I needed to appreciate what had been passed down to me .. the ability to create and the overwhelming joy that comes from that.
And yes, your right Nana it does come so much easier now it must be the experience I've gained after all these years and a wonderful teacher.
Safe passage. I love you...